@maryd22
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You know, I hate the man but I still listen to his shows–some of them–because he has information. I am a person that can take most things with a grain of salt. I could probably listen to Hannibal Lector if he had some accurate, truthful information. Steve Isdahl is a sick, cruel individual who kills animals for shits and giggles and worships himself, but if he had a story, I would hear it. Do it. Bring on the psychopath.
One night, my ex-husband and I had a fight so brutal that I took the baby and went to stay in a hotel room for the night. The next day, I wanted to try to reconcile but I was scared, so I called my friend and asked if she would meet me at my house to kind of buffer the situation by being there. I hadn’t told her what had happened. I would never tell anyone what had happened. She said she would, but she didn’t make it before he got home. When he arrived, he snatched the baby out of my arms, threw me against the wall so hard it made a crack in it, grabbed me by the collar of the shirt, dragged me outside, and then went in and locked the door. I was locked out. It was really dark outside. Some ugly voice in my head said “Just do it–kill yourself and be done with this crap.” And I said “I will. I’m just so tired. I can’t do this anymore.” So I went down to the gas station, bought a big bottle of sominex (back then, they sold it in a bottle of tablets, yeah, over-the-counter.) I didn’t know if it would do the job, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t even think hard enough to analyze the situation. I went down to the shipyard and washed the entire bottle down with a can of diet coke and then laid down in the weeds to die, with the stars over me–they were beautiful in the black sky. I woke up, I don’t know–some time later, it was still dark–and my heart was racing so hard and fast (so much for “sleeping” pills) that I thought it would pop out of my chest. I was seeing some weird, dark ugly shapes in the sky over me. A thought (a voice?) came into my head that said nastily, mockingly “If you are going to be so gutless and cowardly, you’ll never see your kids again, not in this life, and not after. Oh, well. Later sucker!” The next thing I know, an ambulance came rolling up and I’m inside it with a handsome Japanese EMT man leaning over me telling me to try to keep my eyes open, that I have a lot to live for. I told him that I didn’t and he didn’t argue–or I didn’t hear him. I woke up in the hospital the next day.
Crossing over, I heard and saw nothing good or happy. All I had done was open myself up to seeing evil things that hated me, knew my weaknesses, and targeted them. Thank God I got to come back and have a second chance at life, as difficult and challenging and sometimes as miserable as life can be. There is a reason why all of us are here, for whatever our purpose may be and for however long. To be cowardly and not face up to that challenge is not what God wants–we are all of us His, and wants us to learn from the things that He shows us in this life, most of all, He wants to teach us how strong we really are and how much He loves us. That’s why He gives us the opportunities for experiences in this mortal life, and how we can navigate them with His assistance. And it’s not over until He calls us home.
