August 6, 2019 at 5:49 am #154686
I’m a nurse, not a Dr but from I’ve witnessed working in the ‘mental health feild’ for some time, too many people are lumped into the bipolar category. I actually feel it’s the fibromyalgia of mental health, if that makes sense?
Not blaming the drs, they have to file a diagnosis of some sort with the insurance companies.August 6, 2019 at 6:03 am #154687
“I think my mother is BPD and a narcissist. Just got lucky, I guess-”
Augustine, you learned to be strong at a young age, I bet. May I ask a question, if I am getting too personal, disregard the question, I mean no disrespect… Did you stay in contact with your mom through your life?
I only ask because now that I work privately with a few patients, one patient that I have a long history with had similar issues as your mom and she had two daughters. Her daughters had been through a lot growing up and understandably have reservations about having a relationship with her. She has been on meds for a few years now and is stable so I always hoped for a happy ending but sometimes that can’t happen, I suppose?August 6, 2019 at 9:07 am #154691
I don’t mind you asking, but everybody might mind me answering. If you don’t want to be real depressed, skip this post.
I have had a relationship of a sort with my mother except for a couple of hiatuses.
Once she didn’t speak to me for two years after I asked if she might have a drinking problem. Big ol’ yes.
Once I didn’t talk to her for two years after she made a bizarre and completely inappropriate accusation out of the blue in a phone conversation. Like, are you POSSESSED or something?? I hung up on her. I just couldn’t handle that shit. Really, words fail me.
Then she had a fall, broke her hip, and lost her marbles. I went to help out and she was all sweet and affectionate. I thought she forgot her own personality or something. It’s a good thing, too, or I might have taken the opportunity to smother her with a pillow. Turns out that is narcissist “love bombing.” Enjoyed it while that lasted.
I don’t really have a “relationship” with either parent. My dad is Aspy and acts like he hates me. Don’t know why! My mom is totally whack. I call and send cards and gifts but only out of duty. Fourth commandment.
I must have been strong at a young age? No. Being abused doesn’t make you strong, it makes you tolerate abuse. It makes you a numb, confused, zombie, walking through days because what’s the alternative. It makes you needy, depressed, and vulnerable to more abuse. It makes you want to strangle kittens and cut yourself. You are full of rage and pain, and there is no outlet at all. Stuff stuff stuff. PTSD all the way, baby. It’s like your soul is all coiled up and brittle like an old copper pan scrubby.
Maybe it makes you rational. I remember not taking things she did or said personally if I could help it and knowing she was not making sense, not really. Even as a young kid. Yeah, yeah, sure, Mom. That’s right. The water heater gave up the ghost and somehow it’s MY fault. Family of nine. But it was ME? Oh please.
One time a shrink or someone asked me if I’d had anyone at home to talk to when I was a kid, someone to share and tell my troubles to. I laughed out loud at that. Couldn’t help it. What? That’s a thing? Of course I didn’t. I was the oldest. Who was going to help me? We moved around a lot and I had no friends at school, no extended family.
It did make a better mother. I never once hit a kid in anger. I didn’t even spank but when they were too little to understand English. And then just for effect on personal dignity and safety. Remember when parents used to hit kids with switches and hair brushes and stuff? That’s a great lesson to pass on. As a mother, I think back on how my parents acted and I cannot conceive of saying or doing what they did.
Looking for the Xanax now.August 6, 2019 at 10:08 am #154697
Oh Augustine, I hate I made you think about that but I will say that you hit the nail on the head with you learned to be a good mother.
I knew asking would remind me of what the kids POV is and though I’m a person who wants to fix things…. sometimes things are best left alone.
Thanks so much for sharing, someone else may learn something from this discussion 😊August 6, 2019 at 10:25 am #154701
Steering clear of people with cluster B disorders is the best solution. The longer you’re in contact with them the more danger you put yourself in. What you have to understand is that they will never see your side of things. There will be no remorse; They’ll just dominate and gas light you until they break you. They will never allow you vindication because that would be a loss of control and they’re unable to tolerate it.
I stop short of calling most of them monsters because they are treatable through strict supervision, medication, and long methodical counseling. For them it’s a very slow process. They can never be cured, but they can be taught to coexist. [Excluding psychopathy]August 6, 2019 at 1:17 pm #154706
@Chris – “My problem is that I deal with this at work all the time and I too have to be careful. After a while it will take a toll on the mind and body.”
Your spoken words are true Chris. Having spent 25 ½ years in the streets that is exactly what is most taxing on anyone dealing people. The bloody sights and smells, the screaming and arguing, all day, every day certainly takes a toll on anyone if they care to admit it. Over the years I’ve seen and interacted with some real doozies and it always left me weary of recidivism.
During my early years I spent a short time working the jail system as a young naïve officer and learned a lot from these predators and those people aren’t type you befriend or take home with you. Most people I knew understood the symptoms but lacked the professional explanation or understanding for it.
Being around sick people really is detrimental to one’s health and absolutely can do something to the mind (psyche) and the body and there were no outlets for relief through counselling at the time.
It should frighten anyone to know not just what is behind the bars but by knowing how many just like them or worse are still out and about walking the streets every single day.
When I was on the street I found relief by enjoying my interaction with sober clear minded intelligent people and always kept my interaction with “people obviously not right,” short, direct and professional, and those types you would know by watching and conversing.August 6, 2019 at 7:42 pm #154726
“I’m a nurse, not a Dr…”
No, no Denise… you need to put on your best “Dr. McCoy” voice and say,
“For God’s sakes, Jim, I’m a nurse, not a Dr.!” 😉 😀August 8, 2019 at 7:14 pm #154819
Dang, but a simple, small, weird thought started a huge, yet interesting, full sized conversation.
My intimation was that someone insane inherently thinks in their own little box, so far outside of our box that it is way off in left field. For them to think in our box, they would have no choice but to think way outside of their own box.August 9, 2019 at 7:33 pm #154856
Whoa Chris. That’s some heady stuff..but very good information. Thanks for sharing.September 13, 2019 at 10:41 am #156578
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